Waking up screaming

I kid you not, I had the worst nightmare I've had in ages.

Started out with me being in some sort of tour guide group in a factory. I remember it being very boring, as in "this is a big machine" and "over here, we have a window" so I decided to look around a bit. In a room to the side, I found a baby in some boxes.

The baby was very, very fat. So I took it to the security guards booth. The security guard was a Fijian man, who looked exactly like one of the guys from Rotaract that I know. Anyway, he looks at the baby, and holds out his arms to take it, when the baby suddenly flies out of my hands and starts flying around the room.

"why don't you want to keep me?" it asks, over and over as it begins to fly faster and faster around the little security office. The guard and I took one look at each other, and ran out the door into the factory. Suddenly, the water pipes along the walls burst, and we're drenched in water as we slip and slide toward the exit.

"Caaaaita! Caaaaaita!" the guard kept wailing, the babys words kept getting louder and louder until we ran out the exit. The factory was built on a huge hill overlooking a village next to the sea. There was a long winding staircase that was cut into the hill, with wooden posts to help you keep your balance. For some reason, the guard decides to ignore the stairs and runs straight down the hill. I ended up taking the stairs.

At some point we were jumping over barbed wire fences that were about knee height (maybe to keep the baby in?) through a field of flowers. The babies voice was a faint echo, and I thought I'd made it out. Then the guard falls down, I turn to look at him, and the baby is in the field, floating over the body of the guard, who is convulsing on the ground and bleeding from the eyes.

The baby looks at me, an evil cherub with dark dark eyes and says :

"Don't you want to play with McJesus?"

At this point I woke up screaming. I mean come on, the Anti-christ is freaking scary.

The Ducks are alright to Touch

I had the trippiest dream this afternoon. Started out with me going to this hotel up in the mountains somewhere with my dad. The place looked temperate, not tropical you know? kind of like a snow lodge sort of thing. We unpacked, and my dad said he was having a sleep, so i should go explore the hotel. 

I walked around the grounds for a while, and then the main building. There were a lot of like...really attractive women there but i didn't feel like talking to them.  For some reason it was more important for me to explore this place. I decided to make my way back to our room, when i bumped a middle aged woman and she dropped her glass. She was having lunch with a companion who was a large fat man. He kinda looked like santa without the suit. 

I apologised profusely and went to go get her a new glass from the bar. The barman was Hugh Grant. He gave me the glass and said "weird dream isn't it?" That kinda confused me, since i didn't think i was in a dream at the time. "it gets worse." he said ominously. I handed the lady her new glass and she thanked me. They offered me their room number for some reason, and i declined. 

Then here's the weird part, i went to sleep in the room. Not the woman and her fat friends room though, i've just read that bit and that would have been weird. I meant, it was weird that i went to sleep in my dream :P . A short while later i wake up and in my underwear, open the balcony to look at the mountains. A low mist washes over the mountains and forms this huge factory across the river. It was some pretty cool special effects i must say. So i put on some clothes and make my way to the factory, which i discover comes up to my waist. 

Like Alice at the talking door i bend down to look inside and find it full of animals. Little tiny farmyard creatures, but mostly pigs and sheep. For some reason, i wanted to play with them, so i crawled into the factory. Then it gets weirder, because everytime i touch an animal, it goes flying and bursts open, blood and meat and guts flying everywhere. I start crying, because everything i touches dies. 

As i cry, the factory gets bigger, until i seem to be about normal sized. I enter a room full of ducks sitting on a counter. I am scared to touch the ducks. Eventually i get up enough courage to lightly touch one. It quacks. Ecstatic, i grab the duck and hug it. One whole wall of the room slowly lifts, revealing a gigantic computer screen full of charts and graphs. I try to read the words, but of course, you can't read in dreams, but i get the impression that this is some of training facility. 

Then of course i wonder why i can't read the words properly, and i wake up. 

That might have been the weirdest dream ever.