Road RAAAAAAGE

These events take place on Saturday the 21st of August.

So I caught a cab down to town to meet the guys before heading down to Sigatoka. The cab driver, one of the chatty ones named Jay, picked me up and as he weaved his way through the streets of Suva, we got to talking about Hibiscus. Good fun.

As we passed MHCC, a Honda CRV suddenly pulled out in front of us, without indicating I might add. Immediately, Jay hits the brakes and horn. A resounding "magaichinana" was heard and the CRV took off.

"Man, look at this fullah, swearing like that." Jay muttered.
"Yeah, some people aye?" I agreed.

A full thirty seconds later, Jay was pulling up to the traffic lights when he spotted the CRV. Stupidly, he begins to pull up next to the truck.

"Look at him, I wanna see his face."

The driver,a huge Fijian guy was in the front, a lady (probably his wife) was next to him and there were a couple of kids in the back.

As soon as he sees Jay pull up next to him, the guy loses it, and immediately begins swearing at the top of his lungs.

An artists impression.

"Magaichinana!"
"Don't swear at me! You were in the wrong, bro!"

Even from where I was sitting, I could see that this was not a good thing to say.

"What? Fuck you!"

The guy gets out of his car in the middle of the street, walks over to Jays window (swearing the whole time) and spits right into Jay's face.

"What the? What the hell man?" Jay says.
"Tell me not to swear, eh?"

Suddenly the guy reaches in through the window, grabs the back of Jays head and slams it into the steering wheel twice. Bam! Fuck! Bam! You! Spits once more on the back of his head for good measure, and hops into his car with a parting "motherfucker!"

This whole time I'm sitting in the backseat, wondering what the hell I'm supposed to do. This guy is huge, angry, and would probably make mincemeat out of me. I did manage to squeak out a "Please sir, don't do that" at some point through.

After it's all over, we sit there. Jay gripping the back of his head and me in stunned silence.

Then we went to the police station.

And that is story of Albert going to the police station on saturday morning.

Also, at some point I pressed publish instead of save while typing this. Mainly because this is angry typing, and my fingers tend to fly everywhere when I do that.

The thing is, that guy was in the car, with his family. What the fuck was going though his head at the time? On a scale of one to ten he must have been about a thousand on the Bad Day scale. Regardless violence, when not in self defense, is never justified.

Umbrellas hurt, House music is alright, and Hibiscus brings out the crazies

Last night was interesting. Well, technically, last night and this morning were interesting. My friend Arjay and I went out on the town, he's trying to fix this girl you see, and it's always entertaining (and slightly painful) to watch him in action. Arjay has this weird way with women, I remember Griff and I discussing it once, and we came to the conclusion that he truly believes that his life is a Bollywood film. Complete with backup dancers and running around trees.

Anyway, Traps was closing, and this girl invites us upstairs for the afterparty. I've been upstairs at Traps a few times, but since you can't smoke up there, I avoid it like the plague. Last night though, I'm not too sure if this is a regular thing, they had a DJ playing House music. You know, unz unz unz unz, insert random sound bite here, unz unz unz unz.

At around 3, it was fuck off o'clock, so Arjay bundled the girl into a cab, gave her his last five dollar bill, and drove me home. It was a nice night, the music was still in my head, but I really wanted to just hit the hay. Mainly because I knew that I would have to be up early to go to church.

We get to my place, and I point out the new puppy that we have. His name is Maximus Prime, and he is the most retarded puppy in the world. But thats a story for another time. Arjay patted the dogs head, played with him for a bit, and then walked back to the car. I pulled out my keys to open the front door. And then we got jumped by nine fellows who were hiding in my garden.

Five of them went for Arjay, and four for me. It took a while to register in the dark, and they were so fast, the first thing I knew, there are these men pushing me to the ground and demanding my wallet.

"Give me your wallet, fuck you, give it here."

Over by the car I could hear Arjay going on about how the car was a company vehicle and such. I also made the silly decision to resist these guys.

Protip: Just give the crazy people your wallet.

One of them went for my pockets, and ripped the seams along my pant leg. Another hit me in the face with his umbrella. After about the second hit, the umbrella handle broke off, which I then grabbed and hit at the guy with his hands down my pants. He wasn't touchy-feely or anything though, which was a plus. This is also while screaming various obscenities at them and kicking. I found a shoe like, halfway down the driveway that belongs to me.

This all took place in about 2 minutes, by the end of it, they had taken the car, my phone, Arjays phone and his wallet.

Happily, the cops showed up in record time, and the car is now in impound.

So, be careful out there, Hibiscus brings out the crazies, stay safe and if possible avoid umbrellas.

Observe the face to fist technique!

my face hurts. this is mainly due to the fact that a guy hit me, although it could have been much worse.

but first! the Indiana Jones report!

i liked it, i'm sorry. the thing is, you might call me an Indiana Jones fanboy, so perhaps my opinion is biased, but it was what i wanted to see. i wanted to see Indy kicking ass, and making jokes and cracking his whip at baddies. And he did it, he kicked commie ass. i'm not too sure what the whole point of the chariots of the gods plotline was, but industrial light and magic got to show off their fancy special effects to great aplomb.

i also dressed up for the occasion, because if i didn't i couldn't call myself a fan.

the downside (or upside, depending on your opinion) is that Ronron didn't go with the gang, so i may still have a free movie there somewhere ^_^

so i went out on friday night. my sister had a party to attend at the Alliance Francaise, so the Griff, Arjay and i went as escorts. alright, mainly we went to drink their wine and eat apple pie, but we did do some escorting. Griff and I also won a free lunch due to our awesome rendition of Lifehouse's Hanging by a moment at the karaoke competition.

after the party, i dropped the sister off at home and then the boys and i went out. and sad-face.

have i told you about sad-face? it's a long story, lets just say this is the most depressed chick i know. she pervades an aura of depression, it's that bad.

so it's around one in the morning, Arjay, Griff, Sad-face and I step into a club (which shall remain unnamed) , and one of Sad-faces cousins decides to start some trouble. it was...my first bar room brawl.

basically, Sad-faces cousin, let's call him...Derrick, doesn't like Griff. so i think he decided to cause a little trouble when he saw us. it started with Derrick's friend tried to one-side Griff, who proceeded to slip the punch and flatten the guy out. Then Derrick and Griff start going at it, and Arjay tries to break them up, which got him a punch in the head from another of Derricks mates.

it was at that point i jumped in, all this time i had been holding sad-face back from the fight, when i should have been rooting people in the mouth (this was actual advice given to me by Greasemonkey, "if someone looks like they are even slightly considering throwing a punch, root them in the mouth first"). i pushed Arjay and the guy away from each other, which earned me a fist in the jaw. i am 90% sure at this point, that it was the guy who hit me.

luckily, i used my radio voice on him, which seemed to calm him down a bit. you may laugh, but my manly voice has stopped violence, true fact ^_^

things started to calm down at this point, mainly because the bouncers started dragging people outside. Arjay was the worst wounded though, he got kicked in the face and had a split lip :(

so yeah, excitement abounded this weekend.

also, i think i have a soft spot for alien civilization theories.