Thursday, December 2, 2010

How to Win: Barrel Nights

As a veteran of many a Barrel Night, I thought it would be a good idea to share some knowledge on the subject with you. Herein you will find several hints and tips at surviving and getting the most out of a Barrel Night.

What is a Barrel Night?

First of all, the basics, a Barrel Night is a fundraising event usually held in a bar or an open area. The purpose of which is to make money. I don't have any tips on how to organise a barrel night, I can however, tell you how to make the most of your time at one.

Upon your arrival, you will be given a cup and pointed in the direction of the bar. Hold onto this cup, because you should only get one. While there are kegs remaining, your cup will be refilled when you have emptied it. This is the basic rule, try not to forget it on your journey down drunkenness avenue.

Tip One: Scope out the Situation
Observation is an important part of things like this. If the place seems crowded near the bar, you can bet your sweet pajamas that the kegs are going to run out quick. You have a couple of options here, if there are people walking around with jugs mark their faces and try and keep them happy. They will fill up your cup, ensuring you have a steady supply of alcohol. Otherwise, you have no choice but to try and get as close to the bar as possible.

Proximity to those sweet beer spewing taps will ensure that you will get your beer, and will soon be spewing beer yourself.

Tip Two: Observe the competitionThere's always a couple of really heavy drinkers at barrel nights, it's important to make note of where they are, and at what stage of drunkeness they have attained. If they are swaying slowly or relatively sober, then chances are that the kegs have not been drained. If they are deadly quiet, then they are probably really wasted and might punch you in the face if you get in their way of the bar. Take note, it's the key to survival.

Tip Three: Get your monies worthThe average price of a barrel night ticket is $10. If you take into account the size of your cup, and the available alcohol, it should be easy enough to work out how much you need to drink. For a barrel night with 3 kegs and normal sized cups with a ticket price of $10 this would be 4 cups. Anything after that is bonus, and will put you on your way to winning.

Tip Four: Keep your friends closeYou shouldn't be going to these things alone, by the way, there is safety in numbers. Also, you may find it handy to take turns returning to the bar to fill up those cups, if there is a huge crowd. Also, it's no fun drinking alone, and can be quite dangerous if you get too smashed. Watch each others backs and keep each other safe. Real friends don't let friends drink alone.

Random bits of wisdom:

If there is chaser provided at a barrel night, it is a win.

Always know where the bathroom is, especially if you're going somewhere new.

Keep tabs on the amount of beer remaining. It's as simple as asking the bartender. Review your tactics as necessary.

And try to have fun, your binge drinking is helping some raise funds! It's for charity!

Disclaimer: Awesome Cake is not responsible for any hangovers, bar fights, illegitimate children or random people calling you a douche for following these tips and hints. However, if you do manage to win a barrel night, we will of course award you with a very special imagi-prize.