Why Ninja(s) are Awesome

many times i have been asked about my knowledge of ninja lore and facts. if i were to tell you the source of all my knowledge though, i would be forced to lodge a katana somewhere in your spleen, while at the same time telling you. granted, you would attain this sacred knowledge, but it will be for all of twelve seconds, before you bleed out and create a mess all over the floor which is really hard to clean up doncha know.

there is however, nothing stopping me from telling you how awesome ninja(s) are, in fact, i consider it my solemn duty to inform you of this, in case you ever meet a ninja, or, heaven forbid, have to face a ninja in battle (my advice, try to avoid it). to help illustrate the few points i will make today, i have asked my good friend miko to pose for some illustrations. to illustrate the point...okay i used the word illustrate a lot.

The Instant Ninja Strike

Ninja(s) are known for their subtlety in battle, and have been trained to kill in mere fractions of a second. In the time that it takes you to read this sentence, a ninja can kill you in up to twenty seven different ways. Twenty nine if you are a slow reader. in the above illustration you will observe Frank. Frank is a demon from an alternate hell dimension, who was sent to end Miko's life. despite having the strength of a thousand damned souls, and the ability to spit fire from his mouth and/or nipples, Frank must blink.

in the time that it takes Frank to blink, Miko can slice him in two, make a sandwich, and open the tops of several jars of pickles. this is known as the Instant Ninja Strike. there are ways around it, mind you, involving staples and string, but if i were to mention it the Dragon Clan would surely send someone to stick a gardening fork in my scapula.

Robo-bears

The bear is considered one of the deadliest animals on the planet, alongside the tiger, african butterfly, and the common housecat, but did you know that there exists a construction more powerful and dangerous than even the bear? yes, i speak of the fabled Robo-bear, a fearsome amalgamation of both bear and robot, commonly hired by evil scientists to guard plans and such.
the robo-bear is able to destroy a squad of highly trained SEALS in mere seconds.

Ninja's are deadlier than Robo-bears.

In Closing

and so, that ends the first session of Why Ninja(s) are Awesome, and what an exciting and informative session it has been. I hope you can join us next time, where we will talk about some of the training that ninja's go through in order to gain their abilities, and maybe touch upon some important ninja avoidance skills.

until next time, may your ninjato stay sharp, and your shuriken fly true.